a sad entry

i was doing some house cleaning,and i found one of my mom's note book..i open it,and it stated,

BOOK: EDIBLE FUNGI

TARGET 2009

so yeah.my mom was planning on writing a book since a long time ago.and i know she was working on it real hard until the day she went...my cousin even ask me to not to further my study in medic but take the UiTM offer on biology degree so dat i can continue my mom's work.heh..but no,i insist on doing medicine world,since it's my dream and it's also my mom's dream to see me as a doctor.eventhough she's not here with me anymore,still i think its my responsibility to go through it.

whatever,that's not my point.it just made me think.we can make a plan..organize it all well.but,it all comes back to God's fate.we'll never know what He had planned for us right.but its our job to excel in everything that we do and do well in it...

u see.i really miss my mom.its hard,being the only girl in the family.im the youngest and all i wanna do is being treated as the youngest at some times..but it seems to me that at many times like most of the time,im the one who has to be responsible in everything especially the house chores.yes i know,im the girl,but would it harm anyone if they would do their part of the job too? i feel truly much like a bibik and im not kidding about it.sometimes i do feel like sleeping early and do nothing at the house but the house would turn upside down if i do that,seriously..

and,my dad.don't get me wrong,i really loves him..like SO much! what he had sacrifices for me is like unpaid-able in whatever ways.but we ALWAYS ALWAYS have the miscommunication thingy..back in the days,everytime dat happens,my mom would back me up and explain it to my dad.and nowadays its just me alone.and my dad would never understands me.and i wud be very devastated and smtimes i cried alone..i feel so lonely without her around.she's like the only person in the whole world dat can understand me eventhough i didn't say a word..

i understand that what had happened to my mom is God's fate..im not against it.seriously redha with all of it.but what im trying to say is,things have changed for me.like,A LOT..and smtimes the change is just unbearable but i know i have to go through it no matter what..im like this one lonely kid trying to find what's best for me.i am sad,and yes i am lonely.but i try to fight it with everything that i have,hoping that i would be some inspiration for someone.